i don’t hate christmas, i’m just busy as shit

A few months ago when I was in my peds rotation and my roommate was on her surgery rotation I told her she was being a crank. She started to cry.
I am 6.5 weeks into my surgery rotation.  I feel shackled to the operating room and thoroughly sleep deprived.  This Sunday will be my first [...]

a joke

Yesterday a patient told me a joke:
What’s the difference between a surgeon and God?
God knows he is not a surgeon.
Funny only because it is so true.

stinky

If I am going to be your bitch for the next six weeks, at the very least could you stop boxing me out of the circle during morning rounds? Or maybe say hello once in a while?
I understand the heirarchy.  I’m used to and okay with being treated like crap as a medical student.  I [...]

tired

About two weeks ago my uncle sent me an email telling me he was tired of opening to the word Turd everyday.  Today over the phone my mother begged and pleaded with me to put up a new post.  I suppose it’s time to update.
I might not be awake but I’m alive.  It’s now week 4 of [...]

a turd

My attending storms out of the bathroom and looks over at me, “It’s a fucking turd!”
Let’s back up a few minutes.
My patient has been having (if you are squeamish you might as well stop reading now) copious, purulent, pungent discharge coming out of her vagina for two months.  When I say copious, I mean she [...]

emergency room elective: day 1

Day 1: After tossing and turning all night I drag myself out of bed and make it to my new site on time. It’s my first day of an EM elective and I’m nervous as shit. I get there at 8:40 (I have an incredibly annoying habit of arriving anywhere I need to be way too [...]

f-ed by the snake tip

Yesterday my patient said to me, “I got fucked by the snake tip.  It was waving a flag.” He then shifted his head toward me, looked directly into my eyes, and while grinning said, “Yeah that’s right, you know what I mean.  We got fucked by the snake tip. You know what I’m talking about, [...]

three little old ladies

The first little old lady I came across today was my lovely 96 year old patient.  Long story short, she doesn’t function well.  She is disoriented and demented and bedridden.  And every day for the past week the worst part of my day is explaining to her husband of 70+ years that she is not [...]

life with the crazies

When your patient has his privates hanging out and asks you to come and sit on his lap, you learn about focal neurological deficits that result in hypersexuality.  When your patient insists, while in the hospital bed, that he is in a prison in Las Vegas in 1987 and whose urine is positive for nitrates [...]

quick recap

One month and a hundred or so kids, ear infections, and viral exanthems have gone by since my last post.  Not really sure when or how that happened.  
Quick recap on my first clerkship: peds is over, and surprisingly I enjoyed it.  
I do not see myself as a pediatrician. The part of the clerkship that [...]