a turd

My attending storms out of the bathroom and looks over at me, “It’s a fucking turd!”
Let’s back up a few minutes.
My patient has been having (if you are squeamish you might as well stop reading now) copious, purulent, pungent discharge coming out of her vagina for two months.  When I say copious, I mean she [...]

blunder

Today in the sports medicine clinic we had a dancer-patient.  As the resident was presenting the case to the attending, the attending interrupted, “YES, but I’d really like to know, what KIND of dance does she do?” The resident had a brain fart and looked at me for some help.  
Finally! A question I can [...]

from the depths

1. I would like to anterogradely and retrogradely [in the ways of kinesin and dynein, if you will] apologize for a) not answering my phone, b) not listening to my voicemail, c) not reading emails, d) not writing emails, e) spilling honey nut cheerios all over the kitchen because instead of paying attention to how [...]

good morning

I fought with myself for a good thirty minutes before finally dragging myself out of bed.  I sludged upstairs and sank into my morning routine: coffee, honey nut cheerios, the paper.  Awake yet?  Not quite. More honey nut cheerios, more coffee, and how about just a few more honey nut cheerios.  After wasting enough time [...]

the boards

About an hour ago I was on the verge of ripping my g.d. kidney out of my body and throwing it out of the window.  Luckily there are no windows in my study-dungeon, so my mind had a moment to wander: 
Hmmm, what arteries am I going to have to sever in the process? Renal artery and [...]

aviator sunglasses and leather jackets

“I want her brains and I want her charm.  Her husband, however, I could do without.” I’ll let you come to your own conclusions but I’m going to have to agree with my Aunt.  Hillary Clinton is an impressive and accomplished woman.  We were all (the Secretary of State included) at the United Nations this morning [...]

finals

Well, it’s officially exam week– I just accidentally washed my face with toothpaste.

update

No need to worry, I’m alive and well.  Med school is still a kick in the pants and as you will see, I’ve spent the last month and a half being incredibly busy:

This semester I’m doing outpatient work. Last week the doctor I usually follow, we’ll call him Dr. Z, was out.  We worked out [...]

mad hatter

“A 54 y.o. M who works in a dry cleaner presented to the hostpial three days ago with fever and shaking chills of one day’s duration.  He notes a history of nocturia, heistancy, and poor stream for the past three months.”  Blah blah blah, it turns out this guy has pyelonephritis, obstructive uropathy secondary to [...]

countdown to the shore

The countdown is on.
Every summer my family rents a house on Long Beach Island. According to my mother, this has been happening since 1951.

For the lucky few (me, N, B, and the occassional straggler) it’s a week of sleeping in the community room and waking up to the sun rise over the ocean. [...]